Marriage. It is such a glorified partnership
for so many of the right reasons, but that has made us unaware of the
challenges and mistakes that we fall to often for leading to divorce. To be
loved by one and in the hopes for only one in our life is one of the greatest commitments
we will ever make. And it is only in our nature to want to feel loved, cared
for, and to be acknowledged as important. However, I have seen too many rush
into it too fast. Particularly those who value saving sex for marriage and that
co-habitation should not be part of the dating process, and that marriage is a
religious covenant.
Let
me tell you of an experience that I have seen. In a particular area I have
lived this is a common theme where marriage is highly valued. It is part of
salvation because we learn to love another person for eternity and create a
family that will last even beyond this life. Although it is a minority of
people who have these values and do this, it is common to hear stories, and
know of people who have gotten engaged within 3 months and married in 6 months.
To further emphasize the quickness of marriages I’ll let you know that I have
even known of a couple who by the end of the week were engaged.
It often follows a pattern that a couple will
date, pray about this decision, and then feel like they are dating the right
person to marry. I have seen couples do this and have successful marriages and I
have had no doubt that they were right for each other. However, time and time
again, Marriage and Family researchers have argued that it takes at least 3
months to begin to know someone. Now I don’t think that these prayers are done without
the right intentions and earnestly to get the right answer but I do think too
many have been stuck in the honeymoon phase that they can’t see any reasons why
it would be healthy to wait it out. Just as I have heard many stories of people
getting married I have also heard many stories of people as young as 21 getting
divorced already. At that young of an age to be getting divorced, it is worth
taking the time to get to know someone. Especially if you are hoping for a
marriage that will last a lifetime and for eternities. God may urge us to make
this covenant of marriage, and for many secular reasons that marriage is wise,
we should take cautious in deciding who we marry and if we are ready for
marriage.
Marriage is an institution
between two people that will face accommodating their whole life to fit around the
other. That should mean sharing a home together, doing the big and little things
together, and creating a family to raise. There will be great moments but there
will be equally horrible moments as well. You will fight and hate each other’s
guts. But a successful marriage will be resilient and work through these issues.
That may mean forgiving your spouse who will seem as the greatest enemy.
Before you get married you
need to ask deeply if this is the person you can face your greatest trials
with. Ask yourself if they are someone you can depend on and who makes you want
to be a better person. Do they uphold
your values and standards? Are they looking for a lifelong partner or someone
to fill their insecurities? Ask yourself these things now, so that one day you
won’t be asking why you are getting a divorce.
